What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
