We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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