If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!