Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

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(734): View more from Michigan

those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!

(269): View more from Michigan

...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...

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(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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(972): View more from Texas

You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(937): View more from Ohio

I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.

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(925): View more from California

Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.

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