im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.