Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?