I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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