You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.