"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..