i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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