like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
