More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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