Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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