just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
