I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
