We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
