How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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