Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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