I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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