I faked an abortion last night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
