flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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