I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
