She said her name was "party"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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