I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
