now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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