Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
