The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
