I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize