apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
