vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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