She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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