and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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