a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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