I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
