i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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