Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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