if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so explain again why im purple
no
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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