Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
