Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
