so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
