Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
