i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
