you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
