I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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