It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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