can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
