i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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