Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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