Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
