We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
