hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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