sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
