just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
