you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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