Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
