I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
