Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm really busy with my period
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