I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
