i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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