He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
