She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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