dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
