Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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