1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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