This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
