You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
