just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
