I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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