Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
