I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
