In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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