I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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