...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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