cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
