do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize