Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
