if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
