dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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