I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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