Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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