Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
