Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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