i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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