he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize