Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.