first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.