just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".