Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive