We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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