drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
