We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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