so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
