I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
